Fortune Favors The Bold

What is the proper adjective for a man who commits adultery...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:05:05 -0500

What is the proper adjective for a man who commits adultery while married to this woman? Would that be, “Fucking idiot”, “Fucking moron”, or “Holy shit how fucking stupid are you, Tiger?”

Scratch that about “Chef Academy” - they just tossed 5 or more people off the show and...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:40:00 -0500

Scratch that about “Chef Academy” - they just tossed 5 or more people off the show and there are only, like, 2 or 3 people left. In the second episode! And this chef guy is such a dick about it too. What kind of crap is this? UNFOLLOW.

UPDATE: The “FAIL” people are not off the show. It’s just one strike out of three allowed. They explained this five times, but then made it sound like they were doing a standalone elimination challenge. Bleh. Well, ok, all those people are still on the show, including the porn star (who passed with flying colors).

I think we're hooked on Chef Academy

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:21:03 -0500

“He’s late for everything, but he’s not late for (being a porn star)”

And meanwhile, he’s wearing a gigantic clock on his neck like Flavor Flav. Creepily, he also looks like Ashley from Top Chef Las Vegas.

I haven’t even begun to mention the meringues cooked in the apples and the creme brulee cooked in the oranges.

From The Inbox

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:14:42 -0500

We may have to start a new ongoing series, “Are You Kidding Me, Meetup.com?”

These recommendations landed today:

From: info@meetup.com
Subject: Your Weekly Update

New Meetup Groups

Single, Over 40 and no kids
Morristown, NJ

Here are just a few of the 1,822 Meetups near you this week:

Somerville Indoor Fitness Boot Camp Meetup
November 30, 2009 5:30 AM

Where can I set the options for “within 10 miles”, “not starting before 5pm”, and “No rooms full of cougars”?

charitini: I am also thankful for Lady Gaga.

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:06:38 -0500

charitini:

I am also thankful for Lady Gaga.

I’M ON A FARM

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 16:50:49 -0500

I’M ON A FARM

HE COMFY

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 12:06:23 -0500

HE COMFY

When he’s not yachting off the Cote d’Azur, he is a well-known man-about-town and...

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:58:17 -0500

When he’s not yachting off the Cote d’Azur, he is a well-known man-about-town and boulevardier. He lives in a fabulous triplex in Manhattan’s tony Upper East Side with Brutus and Boris, his pet bears, and Cat the cat, a cat.

Really, there's no one else with good teeth that came to mind?

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:15:47 -0500

Biden, who has the blinding white teeth of a starlet

Needs Moar Turkey

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:16:26 -0500

Figure it couldn’t hurt to ask:

If you think you’ll have a crapload of turkey leftovers in NYC and are looking to offload, please reach out. I will likely be coming back here from dinner on Thursday full-bellied but empty-handed. I need something to eat Saturday for lunch; I am demented and I think that far ahead about such things. Would be happy to barter cooking services or make a straight-up food trade!

Craigslist-y stuff!

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:11:25 -0500

All of this is moving-related (space needed, stuff to give away, stuff to sell):

I am looking to get storage space in Manhattan or northwestern Brooklyn. It is freaking expensive, though. Small spaces are a bit overpriced, but taking half (and paying half) of a mid-sized unit would work out perfectly. So… ummm… anyone overflowing with clutter? Let’s go halfsies.
Furniture available in worn condition, but it’s FREE if you come pick it up from the Lower East Side: a 48” x 30” desk, a 5-drawer tall dresser unit, a 6’ tall bookcase, and a white 3-drawer under-desk rolling unit (also usable as a nightstand or side-table). All are white IKEA pieces, some can travel on the subway. Deadline: Monday night.
Things in great condition I’d like you to buy for cheap but fair offer prices (and you must also pickup from Lower East Side): A boxed portable summer BBQ; A Thule 3-bike trunk-mount rack for regular size automobiles (coupes/sedans); An inflatable swimming pool (I think it’s 10x6x3) with garden hoses for filling; An 8ft-long plastic resin folding-legs table in mint condition; an IKEA-like nightstand; an IKEA fold-down wall-mounted kitchen table (specifically, this thing) in mint condition; assorted Container Store Elfa wall-mounting shelf hardware. All fit on the subway. Deadline: Monday night.

I feed off of everyone's weird obsessions. It restores my electrolytes.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:36:32 -0500

justsayjolie:

“How about Choire eating a whole can of cranberry sauce straight from the can. In front of Balk. And Cat the Cat. While smoking a Marlboro. Did we just neglect to address this, or is it too stunning for words? I thought about you possibly having a seizure while watching it.”

—

BrianVan, continuing to understand me in a way that should trouble him as much as it troubles me.

Coffee

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:08:47 -0500

georgiaisyourfriend:

I was trying to think of the perfect description for how wonderful that very first sip of black coffee in the morning is, such as the one I just took not ten minutes ago, and then it came to me: it’s so wonderful, it gives me a “coochie twinge”. That is my new favorite saying. Learn it.

I think everyone needs to learn about “coochie twinge”.

Guess who has 8 Google Wave invites?

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:59:50 -0500

adamiss: Thanksgiving is very big with the Italians. Turkey...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:15:16 -0500

adamiss:

Thanksgiving is very big with the Italians. Turkey Cacciatore, sweet potato Parmesan.

"I am now in 6th grade, I am devastated."

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:04:52 -0500

choire:

If you for some reason feel the need to have a great, purging Thanksgiving cry, I have just the thing for you. (Do not proceed if otherwise.) Perhaps you are an actress who has run out of motivation, or maybe you are just pent up? So this terrible news brief about a high school acquaintance of mine who was killed last week was apparently discovered by his current elementary school students. If you make it beyond “he was my teacher in 3rd and 4th grade. i saw him last tuesday.our main skill was sticks and tape to make skeleton stick figures. I do not draw them i build them” then you are made of far stronger stuff than I am.

42, Choire? Really? The only good thing about that age is that it’s Douglas Adams’ Answer to Life, The Universe, And Everything. Very bad for a blogger’s lifespan, however.

The jokes now aside: one of my late elementary school art teachers also died suddenly, in much more peaceful circumstances. She had lost patience with my skills (I am a designer now) and had not been nice to me the last time I saw her, but that did not mean I thought any less of her… and to hear her go was a shock. With this guy, who seemed to be much younger and better at his job… it’s incredibly and incalculably sad. My heart hurts for him, his survivors, and his former students. And I’m sorry for you too, Choire.

Dirtiest Block in Midtown?

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:26:44 -0500

Dirtiest Block in Midtown?:

bulicks:

Hey, what’s with W. 48th Street between Sixth and Fifth? I don’t mind a little grit in my New York streets; if fact, I welcome it. But this block of tiny eateries is really, really dirty, especially when you consider its proximity to super-clean, spic-and-span Rockefeller Center.

Udon at Variety Café is good though. If you’re a regular, you get the yellow radish pickle.

I hate to ruin your food experience, but I do know of that block from working around there, so: have you looked up the health code violation history of Variety Cafe lately? Did you know they’ve been shuttered twice for violations? Yeah.

I'll still laugh all the way to the bank.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:47:43 -0500

antikris:

Dear BV….it’s rather narcissistic of you to assume people would actually PAY to read what you have to say!!!!

xx

-AK

I have figured out another genius personal blog-to-book idea. It’s called,...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:04:51 -0500

I have figured out another genius personal blog-to-book idea. It’s called, “BrianVan’s List of Criticisms and Snide Remarks”. Self-explanatory.

It will be surely bigger than a pamphlet.

"Given his controversial live performance on the AMAs we were concerned about airing a similar..."

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:58:27 -0500

“Given his controversial live performance on the AMAs we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning.”

- Spokesperson for ABC’s GOOD MORNING AMERICA, on why they decided to cancel an appearance by Adam Lambert after his “controversial” number on the American Music Awards.

CBS’s The Early Show booked him instead.

(via TV Newser)(via inothernews)

Getting moved from ABC to CBS in the morning is not an upward trajectory.