Generally I’m on a trollbait-free diet (not enough flavonoids, surely) but I must direct your (probably redundant) attention on this perfection of the form. This is a Michael Jordan Game 7 Grantland-reference-level performance of embarrassment. This whole essay goes over like a 9/11 joke at a fireman’s convention. If I had to follow this guy giving a commencement address, I’d get up and say, “My advice to all of you is, beat the shit out of that last guy. Thanks!”
I can’t even be angry at him. I’m too busy looking for a job. The answer is Eisenhower. Eat a bag of dicks.