All Points Wets
From The Inbox
Apparently, I’m now Facebook friends with a crepe shack. I wonder just how friendly it is. Are we just acquaintances… like, I’ll say hi at Obliterati, it’ll say hi back, but it won’t come on bike rides with me and I don’t have to buy crepes… or is it something more involved? Are we going to hang out all weekend and get drunk together on PBR until 5am,...
This Is Why You're Bankrupt
If you’re publishing celeb-journal content website and it takes over 15 seconds to load one segment of a slideshow on a home cable modem connection… you might want to look into that. And perhaps urgently if you are supposed to be propping up the dead carcass of your glossy magazine print counterpart.
I am sitting here watching this and laughing hysterically as if this is the first time I’m watching it, it is genius-level funny and I’m on nitrous gas. I need to have my sense of humor recalibrated… it’s currently set to “cartoon”.
On The Tendency Of Our Idiot Contemporaries To...
bvan: “would rather have 10 minutes with Choire than 2 hours of Lodwick”
August is National Kissing Appreciation Month.
reconnoitre: Because I said so. I’ll see to it that Carolyn makes a note of this.
Red Sox Nation needs new medical trainers
Apparently you can find drugs to help enhance your physical performance; but it’s difficult to find a treatment for being a douchebag. Douchebags! Ha ha ha! What a glorious day! (BTW, Yankees fans would know this because we had David Wells. Twice! Oh, and 1980’s-1990’s Steinbrenner. And his retarded son Hank. You have to root for this team in spite of the owner, not alongside...
First time watching that Jakob Lodwick video...
…can’t even really process it. Should have been more like this.
josephweisenthal: Brian Van showed up! It was awesome. It was a pretty thorough drubbing, of course 15-1, 15-3, but for his first time, playing in the dark on a wet court, it was well played. And it was really fun. Amazingly, no pictures.
Oh, those wonderful weird people from Delaware. →
Speaking of which, I owe Newark another visit ASAP.
She Kibbled My Bits
My favorite so far. See #3. whymyexsucks: 1. If you listen to her for just two minutes, you’d think she’s a victim. When you listen to her for ten, you realize she’s a crazy bitch. 2. She was a terrible cook. She always made “Italian”… and it always made my stomach hurt. 3. She was terrible in bed. Just awful. I mean no good, very bad, I’d rather have been jerking off into dry dog food bag.
10 things about vacation
Ha, are you COMPLAINING? Think about the children in poor families who never get any vacations, whose farthest travel they’ll do this summer is to go to another borough, maybe. (Like me.) Oh, and that thing about not being able to walk in the morning… probably wasn’t rafting! Did Diddy have an extra key to your hotel room while you were asleep? ohhleary: 1. I’ll never plan a...
Douchebag Name Generator →
(via innonate) Thought this was one of those douchebag memes that people like to pass around. But actually, it’s quite clever.
Can’t talk this afternoon… working on my whuffie.
youngmanhattanite: Katie has friends named Popi and Boppy. They look something like this. Was Muffie busy that weekend?
I'm Still Kind Of Annoyed
josephweisenthal: at Brian Van for ditching me this morning. But whatevs, that’s cool. I don’t blame you. As a matter of fact, I’m considering pulling an all-nighter (as if I were going to the airport instead of handball) so that I can make it tomorrow. Ok maybe not but I added more alarm clocks in the mix. I felt super awful when I realized I slept through several of them....
Re-Open Rudy's Backyard! →
“And maybe I can finally get to know Scarlett.” You mean that’s been Rex’s goal in NYC the whole time?
Just Heard From B. Van
josephweisenthal: Apparently the guy “just woke up.” Suuure. Frustratingly, I woke up an hour earlier yesterday, at 6am. This is what happens when Maurice the mewing cat is replaced with a white-noise-generating window AC unit. Sadly, I’m ready now but Joe has done his stuff 2 hrs ahead of me. I’ll try again tomorrow!
J-Dubs: So, that Italian enforcer guy on "The Sopranos"... What was his name, Florio?
BVan: No, his name was Furio. In New Jersey, Florio means something COMPLETELY different.
fmylife: Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn’t have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML
On Taking My Phone Calls
Do realize that, when given a chance to speak, I dish out thoughts much faster and in far greater density than when I write. You think BV;DNR is terror-inducing? Then perhaps you shouldn’t take a 90-minute phone call from this guy.
The bar, which is located on the corner of N.14th and Berry, is set to tentatively open this week and will be a great place to snag a couple of roof top drinks in between T-Storms this summer. Berry Park 4 Berry St 718-782-2829 (not open just yet)
Economic forecast: Short wine, long on drunks →
youngmanhattanite: Hey media nerds! Here’s a link (that I ripped from Mike Hudack) to a bunch of comments responding unfavorably to the decision of an amateur photographer to sell a cover photo to TIME for 30 dollars. It’s the same dynamic as with the written word, except for photos. Now you can write a post about it on your blog and barely get paid for it, too.* *If at all. Even as a...
"It’s not that Smokin’ Aces is a bad film"... Oh... →
via bigfuckingexplosions (Posted by Douglas Reinhardt)
10 Reasons Not to Tumbl Something
Because when I inevitably get the Tumblr-book deal, my job won’t be to write 20,000 words but to cut 200,000… chrismohney: 1. I found a hilarious link! It’s been on Tumblr five times already, on Digg before that, and 4chan before that. 2. I found a hilarious tumblr! It’s been reblogged five hundred times, and it’s fake. 3. I found a hilarious picture! It’s not really funny; see...
After a lot of informal querying, no one can figure out what “Best $2k I ever spent!” means. I assume it’s not referring to a shopping spree (because it sure is hard as hell to get the puke stains out of that) but I just have to fess up to not knowing. My closest guess is that is approximately what it costs to hire a personal bankruptcy lawyer, one fine way to get all those...
People are still adding Zuki to their follow lists on Twitter. Yes, you heard correctly: A dog who hasn’t tweeted in months is still getting followers. Just so you know.
youngmanhattanite: Note to Brian Van: See, there was no memo from me to keep garbage like this off of YM. **pays out $5** **grunt**
And let's be clear:
JCPenney has a reputation for being a suburban hellhole and it’s a well-earned rep for the most part. It’s a department store. Many stores are often uncomfortably messy by 1pm daily. They do not carry hoity-toity designer brands for the most part. If you’re a social climber you’re not supposed to admit that you shop there, even though the clothes last and don’t look...